Hello, goodbye.

It's been a hard 3 months for me. Wow, has it really just been 3 months? It feels like a year has passed.


It seems like so long since I could really sleep without thinking about what will happen what I would have to do the next day. 


I wish I could turn back time, and I wouldn't choose AUSMAT at all. Yes, I would miss out on getting to know Sundar and Yat Meng and all my other awesome friends who I have come to know, but deep inside I am crying in pain. 


I have wasted RM19k of my father's hard earned money, for this course, which I practically failed in the first semester. I don't know if I can cope with the rest of the year, or even pass my WACE exam. 


I do not belong in this course. I was not even capable of getting the entrance scholarship which majority of my classmates got, what made me think  I could even get an 85 and above ATAR? 


I do not know what I want to take for my degree. I have no aim, no goal. 


There will be a talk on Wednesday by Curtin University, and according to my lecturer, we would be allowed to drop one subject. I don't know if I want to drop any of my subjects. Sure, it will make me less miserable and overloaded, but I don't think dropping any of my subjects would solve anything. It would definitely make deciding my degree much harder. Also, if I were to drop a subject, I would have to work extra hard to make sure that I get high marks for the remaining 4 subjects, as our ATAR is counted by the best 4 subjects we take. 


There is one option, but I'm not sure if it's available, that is to change to July intake. 


I sat in English class, practically alone, thinking about this option. English class is the class that I loathe the most, generally because I have literally no one to talk to in that class, just obnoxious people with strikingly coloured hair. If I were given a chance to choose my subjects again, I wouldn't choose English.


The fees would probably be the same, I would have learnt most of the syllabus that they are going to learn, and I would have more time to perfect my subjects. Seems like all pros and no cons, right? Wrong. I would have to go through the process that I am so bad at that even my hair follicles are embarrassed by me - making friends. Also, my exam would be in October next year, which means I would technically be one year behind everyone else.  



I don't want to leave my friends, but if that option is available then I'd really have to think about it, if not then I'll just stay in hell. Kthxbai.