Crap

I'm confused.
Am I the exception?
Or am I the rule?
Either way I'm confused.

Life isn't hard.
But its not easy either.
But what is life?

I don't know why I'm still awake at this hour.
I feel like I'm waiting for something.
Someone.
There's a voice inside of me
telling me to stop waiting
and take action.
But I can't.

The one I seek for advice.
The one I cry for help.
Is not here.
Hours I've waited.
No sign of appearance.

I'm not a person people would remember.
Not a person people would cherish.
I'm just a person.
The world doesn't revolve around me.
I revolve around people.

They have a life.
I feel that I don't.
I spend hours interfering with other people's life.
When no one is interested in mine.

I wish I could be someone else.
Someone more special.
Someone stronger.
Someone with more thought and consent.
Someone who isn't me.

I read a person's journal.
It amazes me that someone as attractive as him.
Could be so sad on the inside.
He thinks deep.
Too deep perhaps.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to feel, because I've been able to feel less and less lately. I like feeling, even if it's hurts. I'd never though I would say I like being in pain, but I am right now. I like being in pain because I can appreciate joy and happiness much more when I can tell the contrast. I can write poetry and I want to be able to express myself, but I am afraid that the only thing I will be able to write about in time is how pathetic I am to everything because I'll be an emotionless brick. "

I feel like an emotionless piece of crap.
I can't smile.
Nor cry.
Nor laugh.