A decade too old

HEY I'M FUCKING OLD. 

And I'm glad - sorta. 

As of today, I'm no longer a teenager, but make no mistake that I still have the mentality of a five year old. I have been trying really hard to do some growing up in the past year, which I guess is going well so far, despite some setbacks. 

So this are a list of things that were different this time last year:

The ability to control my emotions

While I am still an emotional wreck once in a rainbow moon, I have really succeeded in channeling my emotions into other productive means. Mostly Tumblr. 

Being proactive and confident (kinda)

I'm still struggling with this part, but I think it has been going well so far. I really want to get out of my shell and say YES to more things and stop being so afraid and introverted. So far I've joined the uni's volunteering program, currently undergoing assessments for AIESEC and trying to get to know more people. The only time I felt truly disappointed was when I was late for a briefing and didn't want to go into the auditorium because it was full of people. I ended up pacing up and down the corridor and waiting for them to have a break, but they didn't. After that I cried in my car. What a loser.

I've convinced myself to be strong if I don't make it into AIESEC. I'll just move on and try again when I'm in Australia, but I know I'll just cry myself to sleep for a week or two. 

Finding myself and my interests

Like sooo many other internet teens, I don't know what I want to do in life. After having a short existential crisis, I've decided that my goal in life is to be happy and to make other's happy. I think I may have mentioned this in the previous post. Right now, I really want to focus on my studies, and also develop other skills and maybe learn new languages. I've been learning French on my phone. Oui, je n'ai. I've recently developed an interest in film making and writing too. Jack of all trades, master of none. 

Other than that, I've been sitting in front of my laptop like a blob, reblogging posts of pandas playing in the snow.